What does it really mean to be true to yourself or to be you?
It’s a difficult question for many people who never really stop to do the self-development and try to understand who they really are. Every day, people attempt to make decisions based on what they believe in, their values, their experience but in contrast people also make decisions based on what others want, how others feel and what the most popular decision may be and then there are those that refrain from making any decisions!
When people claim they are being true to themselves we presume they have done the hard naval-gazing of self-reflection and figured it out. So how do we find out?
I sometimes think it’s helpful to approach it from the opposite way and look at when you know you’re being false or not making decisions internally based but externally based – being persuaded by the exterior influences. Feeling that you are at odds with yourself. It doesn’t feel right.
Interestingly psychologists define not being true to yourself as self-deception. The act of deceiving oneself or the state of being deceived by oneself. In the work that I do many people simply do not know who they really are. In fact, if truth be known we all probably have not been true to ourselves at some point in life.
Many marriages, friendships, and careers are sustained by not being our true self. Subconsciously it can become a survival strategy.
The longer we live a life that is not our true self the more of a struggle it becomes to discover who you really are. Often who we become is heavily influenced by our social interactions. People’s concepts of themselves develop as the social world defines them.
For many as time goes on, the conflict within comes more to the surface as we struggle with really understanding who we are. We feel a bit lost, indecisive, and not sure what we believe or not believe, we struggle with knowing what we want. Usually, there is a strong feeling of disconnection, feeling trapped, alone and lack of life satisfaction and even feelings of hopelessness.
So, we need to build our foundations and discover who we really are. But it does take courage.
So we need to be honest with ourselves and do the work to discover ourselves. I recommend doing this with a coach – it will be a faster process and they’ll call you on your bullshit!
So if you’re feeling like this could be you, it’s time for a change. Don’t waste any more of your life being lost! As a starter see my list below on things you can start doing to create some change. There is so much to enjoy when you know who you are and what you stand for.
Top Tips on How to reclaim yourself!
- Get in the driver’s seat and take responsibility for your happiness – it’s empowering
- Ditch unsupportive, negative or toxic people in your life – these people are not helpful or motivating
- Make a commitment to be curious and get to know yourself – be enquiring as to why you do what you do and think the way you do
- Accept who you are and stop trying to be likeable – when you have to try then you’re being inauthentic
- Connect with your feelings and emotions more – they are an amazing source of information. Try to understand why you’re feeling the way you do.
- Be honest with yourself and call yourself on your own bullshit !!
- Speak honestly – what do you think not what you think others want to hear!
- Surround yourself with people who have integrity
- Find out what your core 6 values are (I have a course starting soon that can help with this)
- Determine what some of your interest are – and why
- Set your self some short term goals
- Separate yourself from others opinions – it’s not for them to tell who you should or shouldn’t be.
If you need some help along the way – get yourself a coach. It will speed up your process and will highly likely make it more fun!